ROBERT BURNS ADDRESSES THE LASSIES

(and rejoices in his own libido)

I've been a poet all my life
All love's sweet joys I cover
A poem each for every wife
And two for every lover.

In Edinburgh I'm renowned 
I've lovers there a-plenty
In every city they abound
In Perth I've over twenty.

I court the lassies everywhere
With conquests ever mounting
For instance: scattered over Ayr
It's 36 and counting.

In Cowdenbeath I've next to none
But otherwise they're legion
I got a dose of clap off one
She must have been Glaswegian!

I praise them all both high and low
In pretty rhyming couplets
And once or twice before I go 
I leave them with quintuplets.

This poet's bargain, lassies learn
Is not a thing to shame us
We leave them with a fine wee bairn
While all we get is famous.

THE LASSIES REPLY

A pretty speech ma fine wee buck
Ye're grand at versifyin
We lassies can't believe our luck
So here's how we're replyin:

Yer gallivantin maks us sick
Yer chauvinism's heinous
Awa’ tae fuck ya little prick
And don't forget yer penis.

© Ian Macpherson